the past six months have been the fastest and slowest six months of my life. it's hard for me to believe it has been what feels so long since mom passed away, yet i feel as though it was just yesterday i was holding her hand and wiping her brow during her final days with us. if i think about it too much, and too carefully, i feel as though i will get sick. i find it easier to do what mom wants me to do with myself and my life, and not think so much about those final months and days.
as i was giving eamon goodnight kisses tonight, he told me that he just "couldn't fall asleep tonight!" i told him that when i can't fall asleep, i say my prayers and talk to geegles. he responded, "oh, you talk to geegles because you're sad she died?" i know she is listening every day and every night, i just wish she was here.
She is listening, loving & guiding you. You are not hiding from your grief, but growing through it.
ReplyDelete"Heaven and earth are threads from one loom."
Shaker proverb
xxoo, m!
(tried to post this yesterday & it did not seem to work. Hope it doesn't post twice now )
Cait - your words expressed what i feel trapped inside ME sometimes! I am astounded on days when I suddenly realize that Suzy is no longer here with us. Makes me well up and then the tears flow like a river. But each day, I gaze at a picture of your mom at my sink ...and she is sporting that incredible smile of hers and her spirit is so alive! I just have a little chat with her and it makes me smile through my sadness. Your mom was all about living, and living the best life you can live is what honors her. Since you are already doing that, I know she is sitting pretty in heaven giving her nod of approval all over you :)
ReplyDeleteWe have not lost her, Cait. We find her in new and intimate ways. She is a whisper away from our thoughts and dreams and sends us love through her little miracle moments. I look for her signs all the time - she is there!
Thanks for your gift. It brings me peace.
Love ya!
Kate