i knew december was going to be an emotional month. not only did december 1st mark four months since mom passed away, it was also the beginning of counting down to mom's favorite day...her birthday! i also had some business to get done in december!
i struggled more than i thought i would on mom's birthday; i went into work, and left about two hours later. i think emotions, stress and life caught up to me, and mom's absence became a little more realistic. when people ask if it upsets me to talk about mom, her passing or her absence, i always tell them it is much easier than i would have ever imagined. to me, losing my mom was my biggest fear in life, something i always worried about; but, i have surprised myself with how i have not let losing mom keep me from living and doing what i need to do. however, i lost it on this one day.
after my mini-breakdown, erin, mike, eamon, owen and i toasted mom at one of her favorite restaurants. erin and the boys made mom a birthday cake, which the boys decorated so beautifully! (my computer is old and acting up right now, otherwise, i'd post a picture of the cake). it was certainly an emotional and difficult day, but i think mom would have been ok with how we celebrated.
three days after mom's birthday, we had a birthday party/open house. my aunt and grandma came in from chicago, and we had a great turn out. i definitely think mom would have approved and had a lot of fun. it was so nice to get together with many of mom's friends, who have now become our friends. our family was very grateful to those who came to celebrate mom with us! the day and party were a great distraction for my taking my nursing board exam the following day.
after putting it off, putting it off, and putting it off (much to mom's dismay), i finally took my nursing board exam (way too long after i should have) the day after mom's party. i knew i needed to get over my test anxiety and take the "stupid test," as mom referred to it. i started re-studying about two months after mom passed away, and devoted about five to six hours a day for two months to studying. i literally went to work, came home to study, went to erin's for dinner, came back home to study and went to bed. while i knew i had to do my part in studying and preparing myself for the exam, i'll admit i was asking mom for a lot of help. i always asked her to help me "study smart," which was what she always told me to do while i was in school. two days later, three days before christmas, i found out our hard work had paid off, and i was officially and finally a registered nurse! thanks, mom :)
although our surprise trip to disney world was cancelled due to weather on the east coast, we spent a wonderful christmas in syracuse, new york with mike's family. i am excited about what the new year has to bring our family, especially with our sweet little sweet pea arriving in march! i am confident all the pieces of my life will fall where they are meant to fall, and things will be okay.
~for i know the plans i have for you, says the Lord. plans to prosper and not harm you, plans for a hope and a future~
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